I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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