I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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