He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Someone came in the potted fern
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
