We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
