My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
