If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
