I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
