the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
