easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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