Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
