just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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