I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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