a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
