K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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