They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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