Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
