Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize