Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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