nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
