it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
