my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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