MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
