someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
