you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
