who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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