wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
