ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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