I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
