she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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