Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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