If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I got inside last night via doggy door
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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