Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize