my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I could make wine with my vomit
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
