no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
