What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize