planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
