Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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