Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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