Fuck appropriateness.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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