Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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