I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
be right there i have to get my cape
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
