dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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