What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
