just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
