Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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