She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
