Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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