The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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