By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
