fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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