You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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