Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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