im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
