ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
