Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize