it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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