I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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