I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
