I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
