She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
