Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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