Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize