i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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