i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
