Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just threw up on my dentist
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
