I cockslap morals
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
