I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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