i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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