but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize