It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
A+ Viking dick
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
