What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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