Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize