I skipped work to stalk him.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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