drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
