We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
