I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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