what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
