My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
