Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
