Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
