My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
