I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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