I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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