Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
