I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize