Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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