dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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