I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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