i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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