You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize