And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
