I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
