I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
