remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize