He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
