Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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