Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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