a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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