he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
the raccoons are back...
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